I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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