I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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