I just cut my nipple shaving
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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