I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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