His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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