I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize