mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
A+ Viking dick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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