South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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