Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize