my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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