Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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