She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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