Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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