Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize