I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
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She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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