My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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