new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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