I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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