girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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