yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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