Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My dick has a subreddit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize