The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
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I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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