I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
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I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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