i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize