And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
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Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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