i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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