He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
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it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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