If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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