I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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