guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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