I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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