i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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