I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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