I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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