Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
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Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
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The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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