there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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