There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
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Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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