Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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