guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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