I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There's even glitter on my cock...
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