Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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