Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
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I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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