If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
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I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My feet surprised me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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