I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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