I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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