he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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