Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
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he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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