Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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