the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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