I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
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